Back and less depressing

Happy 2013! Yeah, that just happened...and while I'm at it, Happy Valentines Day too- because Lord knows when the next time I post will be. I mean, I have this fabulous track record and all. I re-read all my 2012 posts and I'm really glad I didn't end up hanging from my shower rod in December. I was all kinds of depressing. I'm just a bitter, angry person- what can I say?

I blame the weight gain. All that squeezing into clothing cuts the circulation to your brain and makes you irritable. I'll just go ahead and give you a quick update on 2013 thus far:

Job- still doing whatever this is until they tell me to stop. My assignment ends 2/21 and unless they extend it, my severance will kick in. Do I care? Of course! Can I do anything about it...not really- so I'm just plugging along until they tell me to stop coming in. I'll be like Milton, working from the basement and harassing payroll about the "error" they made in not paying me.

Relationship- still with JW, and no we still haven't talked about anything serious yet. I make a much better parent than I do a girlfriend though- and we all know every man dreams of marrying the girl who nags him non-stop.

Bridget Jones appearance rant- still fat, redheaded and in dire need of a tan, Botox, and teeth whitening. But my nails look nice. It really does cost a lot of money for me not to look like a complete mess, and I can't afford it. Good thing that JW likes a hideous nag! Man, I sure bait and switched him, didn't I? SUCKER!

Things I've learned so far:

• Only old ladies and me get BPPV.
• Chiropractors are awesome.
• I still refuse to help people move.*
• B12 shots are the tits.
• Viviscal supposedly makes your hair grow thicker and stronger. (We'll see about THAT, Marie Osmond)
• On that note, I should have been a beauty blogger...
• How to apply false lashes without ruining a full face of makeup. TA DA!

* I got a FB invite for one of my friends "annual" moving party. That in itself is why I won't help you move. We are not in college, and you are not destitute- so giving up a Friday evening to help you move your shit when you can hire movers (or hell, get FREE movers from an apartment locator) in exchange for beer and pizza (which I shouldn't eat: see Bridget Jones appearance rant) is not exactly appealing to me. The amount of times that you move at this age is completely staggering anyway, and I don't think it's cool to call on your friends over and over and over. Call me a bitch, but I don't want to drag your end tables (because really, we both know that's all I can carry and you really just want to enlist the help of my boyfriend-who can ACTUALLY move things like your washer and dryer-to help) up 3 flights of stairs.

I need a good rant.

Suggestions?